Really bad blogger!!

omg its the 19th of july 2012, hahahaha my new years resolution didnt really work did it, i think i have proberbly wrote less than what i did last year ;-L o well suppose i better start a fresh hay!!! im finding it quite hard to decide whether to carry on with this blog or to start a new one, i think to myself as i read through the posts i have written in the past and think this is not who i am now, ok maddison will always and i mean always be a massive part of my life but does this blog make me go back to the feelings that have long disappeared, i have grown in the last 2 years and alot in my life is different now, my life no longer feels MY LIFE WITHOUT MADDISON, it feels "MY LIFE!!" now not my life without i proberly feel more so now that she is here with us all than ever before. i often look at harrison and see her in him the way that his hair falls the way his nose points up even tho maddisons nose bless her was a little sqwished but you know what i mean, there lips are so similar :-) you know i dont look at him and think of him as her because he isnt but they have the same genes they are brother and sister they have the same blood. i am so proud of my babies they are my life, i wouldnt know what do without them, maddison is my angel my beautiful little angel and she has made me the person i am today. so this is me for another day ill try not to leave it so long next time but im not promising anything :-) xxx lots of love to everyone who reads this, speak soon x love and miss you baby girl xx

New years resolution x

i have blogged now for nearly 2 years and for some reason still struggle to this day to know what to right sometimes, i know that i want to write but just can not decide what to write about first or how to put it, the past year has been a good year, dont get me wrong there has been ups and downs but nothing like the years we have had. Today life is looking really good, i mean really really good.

we are 11 weeks away from bringing harrison marley sam jacklin into the world, and couldnt be happier, we still think of maddison every single day, i still sit here and imagine what she would look like, or what sort of personality she would have had, but i can not go through life dwelling of what could/should have been. some days are harder than others but i have now more good days then bad days, sometime this makes me sad because i think maybe i should have more bad days than i do, BUT, would i still be here if i had more bad days, would i have what i have if i had more bads days would i be the person i am if i had more bad days? NO i wouldnt and at this point in time i dont want to change things i want things just as they are, we have our 4 beautiful children with us, we have harrison growing bigger and stronger by the day and we have our beautiful angel watching us, makeing us stronger with the love i know she has for us,.

so there i wrote, i am sure i could have wrote more, and i think that its gonna be my new years resolution to write more this year, to involve whoever reads this in my life, my life without maddison,x

we love u baby girl forever and ever and always xxx <3 x