22:38 in the evening you was born, weighing a tiny 2lb 40z we did to be honest think that you would be smaller so were quite surprised that you were that big, when you were born after approxameltly 7 and a half hours i was too be honest in shock all i wanted them to do was too clean you please clean her i said please just clean her, i couldnt look at you i dont now why i think it had actually dawned on me that this was it it was over now more future just memories no more the 3 of us together but a memory, it was devastating not hearing you cry when you came out and daddy cut your cord.
everyone crying looking at you, i can rember daddy and kerrie your godmother waiting for you too come out and kerrie looking at daddy and saying o my god she is beautiful, she was right you were beautiful you were our tiny sleeping angel.
(im so sorry to all who are reading this but am going to have to finish it another time.. as you now its so hard to reelive this part so give me time and will be finished soon) lots of love to all xxx
Monday, 31 May 2010
Friday, 28 May 2010
Hello my baby girl xx
It is 01:35 in the morning of a cold cold night, i was sitting here doing some work and going through emails when i come across a message that made me think of you, i just really wanted to write to you and tell you how much i miss you, i now i tell you every day but i thought tonight i would write it down, x i miss you with every part of me, i hope you are looking down on us smileing and waveing i love you dearly my precious baby girl Love you with all my heart and more and nothing will ever change this xx Lots of Love your mummy xx Play happily xx
Thursday, 27 May 2010
The Day we had too say goodbye.... xxx
Im not too sure as i begin to write this if im going to be able to actually finish it today, this day which has turned into many is a day where alot was blurred this was the next step in our lives that we so wish and dream did not happen.
28th december 2009 xxx
I woke this morning with a feeling for a split second it had all been a dream, i had many more days like this for quite sometime but as the days grew into weeks this thought did not last long..
28th december 2009 was not supposed to be your birthday baby girl you were meant to come into this world as a 2010 baby a not so healthy baby but a baby that would fight and grow strong and give us many smiles and laughter, but i regret to say no laughter was shared with you my princess although joy that you had come into our lives and made us strong and helped us see the more important things in life because having you was the best part of us and for this i will be forever thankful to you xxx
(here we go.. i begin to shake as writing this could turn me back some steps but i feel i need to tell your story and have your memory live on through not only us but people in the future who will read this and find some strength xx)
I knew deep down that this was going to be the day you would come into our lives, i stilll lay there a mess not talking or really careing about the world. Granny and grandad came to visit to try and give us strength, my labour pains started at around 4 oclock in the afternoon it began mild but soon became too much for me too bare i think the thought of knowing that i would be giving birth to you and having to leave you was sooo painfull in its self,,
off we went to the hospital with my mum in tow, also coming with us to give her support was your godmother kerrie (who forever will be my best and closet friend until the day that i came to meet you) when we got to the hospital your grandad man and nanny maz come also too say hello and see you enter this world..
I have had labour before with your brother kai and im telling you this i am hard lol i handled it soo well the midwife actually said to me after you look like you are ready to run a marathon :-) x
but with you i have never felt pain like it this was a mixture between my heart breaking more and my whole body feeling like i myself was going to die, every part of me hurt and the emotion of it was so hard to deal with in one minute i was crying another laughing, i listened to your songs which later we used in your funeral i vomitted so much i didnt realise it was psychally possible but laughed with it :-) they all still say to this day it was like i had actually eaten a whole pack of cigareettes saying that i smoked alot but it wasnt that it was diet coke hehehe it got all over kerrie and phil but they didnt care they carried me through it as at that stage could not walk... xx
up and down up and down up and down ..... i had so much pain relief that i was actually told you can not have anything else.. i had dia morphine, 2x sleeping tablets, paracetomaol hahahah(yes paracetomal they kept asking me do you want paracetomal) this i will always remeber,,, we do laugh at this still today and also to add to the list about 3 and a half hours of gas and air,,,
as labour went on i became so close to my dad i never thought that it was possible i never in a million years thought that my dad would be by my side whilst i was giving birth... he held my hand and stroked my hair and it was in a way so strange for him to even be there (i now know that i am so pleased that he was )
Kerrie my rock my best friend stayed with me through the pain rubbed my back and wiped my sick fed me drink and lots and lots of gas and air hehehe, she cryed and laughed and cryed and laughed and to be honest cryed more.. i will be forever thankful for her for being there with us.... x
My mum my star the best mum that anyone could have and if i turn out to be half the mother she has been to me i will be thankful and proud she stood by me through 2 labours even though her heart was breaking stayed throught the tears and laughter and me shouting and seeing my heart break . thank you mum i will love you forever and always xx
And my Soul mate the father of my beautiful baby girl stayed with me through it all through all the questions and screaming and pain and his heartbreaking was soo strong he held me when i needed him and left me when i wanted to be alone for being so strong i thank you i will always love you until the day we are all reunited and are together with our maddison again foreva...
It came to the time which i was dreading time too push, I pushed and stopped pushing and pushed some more and eventually you came into this world beautiful just like we knew you would with lots of brown hair and a nose just like daddy even though it was a little squissed....
Here you were our baby girl precious Born at 22:08 on 28th dec 2009 weighing in at a tin 2lb 40z xxx
28th december 2009 xxx
I woke this morning with a feeling for a split second it had all been a dream, i had many more days like this for quite sometime but as the days grew into weeks this thought did not last long..
28th december 2009 was not supposed to be your birthday baby girl you were meant to come into this world as a 2010 baby a not so healthy baby but a baby that would fight and grow strong and give us many smiles and laughter, but i regret to say no laughter was shared with you my princess although joy that you had come into our lives and made us strong and helped us see the more important things in life because having you was the best part of us and for this i will be forever thankful to you xxx
(here we go.. i begin to shake as writing this could turn me back some steps but i feel i need to tell your story and have your memory live on through not only us but people in the future who will read this and find some strength xx)
I knew deep down that this was going to be the day you would come into our lives, i stilll lay there a mess not talking or really careing about the world. Granny and grandad came to visit to try and give us strength, my labour pains started at around 4 oclock in the afternoon it began mild but soon became too much for me too bare i think the thought of knowing that i would be giving birth to you and having to leave you was sooo painfull in its self,,
off we went to the hospital with my mum in tow, also coming with us to give her support was your godmother kerrie (who forever will be my best and closet friend until the day that i came to meet you) when we got to the hospital your grandad man and nanny maz come also too say hello and see you enter this world..
I have had labour before with your brother kai and im telling you this i am hard lol i handled it soo well the midwife actually said to me after you look like you are ready to run a marathon :-) x
but with you i have never felt pain like it this was a mixture between my heart breaking more and my whole body feeling like i myself was going to die, every part of me hurt and the emotion of it was so hard to deal with in one minute i was crying another laughing, i listened to your songs which later we used in your funeral i vomitted so much i didnt realise it was psychally possible but laughed with it :-) they all still say to this day it was like i had actually eaten a whole pack of cigareettes saying that i smoked alot but it wasnt that it was diet coke hehehe it got all over kerrie and phil but they didnt care they carried me through it as at that stage could not walk... xx
up and down up and down up and down ..... i had so much pain relief that i was actually told you can not have anything else.. i had dia morphine, 2x sleeping tablets, paracetomaol hahahah(yes paracetomal they kept asking me do you want paracetomal) this i will always remeber,,, we do laugh at this still today and also to add to the list about 3 and a half hours of gas and air,,,
as labour went on i became so close to my dad i never thought that it was possible i never in a million years thought that my dad would be by my side whilst i was giving birth... he held my hand and stroked my hair and it was in a way so strange for him to even be there (i now know that i am so pleased that he was )
Kerrie my rock my best friend stayed with me through the pain rubbed my back and wiped my sick fed me drink and lots and lots of gas and air hehehe, she cryed and laughed and cryed and laughed and to be honest cryed more.. i will be forever thankful for her for being there with us.... x
My mum my star the best mum that anyone could have and if i turn out to be half the mother she has been to me i will be thankful and proud she stood by me through 2 labours even though her heart was breaking stayed throught the tears and laughter and me shouting and seeing my heart break . thank you mum i will love you forever and always xx
And my Soul mate the father of my beautiful baby girl stayed with me through it all through all the questions and screaming and pain and his heartbreaking was soo strong he held me when i needed him and left me when i wanted to be alone for being so strong i thank you i will always love you until the day we are all reunited and are together with our maddison again foreva...
It came to the time which i was dreading time too push, I pushed and stopped pushing and pushed some more and eventually you came into this world beautiful just like we knew you would with lots of brown hair and a nose just like daddy even though it was a little squissed....
Here you were our baby girl precious Born at 22:08 on 28th dec 2009 weighing in at a tin 2lb 40z xxx
You left such a big hole...
That night the emptiness that i felt was unbearable i laid in the bath with a my beautiful baby girl asleep waiting to come out and claim her wings., i sat in the bath and remeber seeing the future disappeariing right in front of my eyes trying to hold back the tears so that phil who was sitting downstairs wouldnt hear and come up, its the worst feeling trying to hold back tears so that i wouldnt hurt the peerson i loved even more, to show him that i was crumbling in front of his very eyes.. i tryed and tryed but just couldnt hold it back it was like some one was taking the breathe out of me i now know that the reason i felt like this was becausee my heart was breaking slowly and i knew that it would only start to hurt more...
I lay in the bath thinking move baby move please please show them all that you are strong wake up please, i had no water left at this point so (i now this may sound so horrible but i have to put it so that you fully understand) with no water left i could feel her moving everytime i moved it moved her and it truely did feel like she was moving on her own, all i could feel was my tiny baby a tiny little bump round where she was all cuddled up, i lay my hand over her and stroked her like i had done so many times before over the past 32 weeks thinking to myself i dont want you to go i want to keep you here with me foreva.
As the night went on i lay with on the sofa in what i could only think to descibe like a coma i stared into space with every now and again just cying uncontrollably, i didnt speak much i couldnt eat i just lay there empty wanting to just go back...
phil also sat there not knowing what too say but just hold me us both just laying there thinking why us?? he was soo strong the man of my dreams with his heartbreaking and i didnt have the strength to even no what to say to him,
The night soon drew in and we both knew this would be our last night with our daughter, we lay there like we did so many night before with phils hand gently on my tiny bump and lay there just both holdiing her before the time come where we would hold our daughter for the first and last time.....
I lay in the bath thinking move baby move please please show them all that you are strong wake up please, i had no water left at this point so (i now this may sound so horrible but i have to put it so that you fully understand) with no water left i could feel her moving everytime i moved it moved her and it truely did feel like she was moving on her own, all i could feel was my tiny baby a tiny little bump round where she was all cuddled up, i lay my hand over her and stroked her like i had done so many times before over the past 32 weeks thinking to myself i dont want you to go i want to keep you here with me foreva.
As the night went on i lay with on the sofa in what i could only think to descibe like a coma i stared into space with every now and again just cying uncontrollably, i didnt speak much i couldnt eat i just lay there empty wanting to just go back...
phil also sat there not knowing what too say but just hold me us both just laying there thinking why us?? he was soo strong the man of my dreams with his heartbreaking and i didnt have the strength to even no what to say to him,
The night soon drew in and we both knew this would be our last night with our daughter, we lay there like we did so many night before with phils hand gently on my tiny bump and lay there just both holdiing her before the time come where we would hold our daughter for the first and last time.....
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
My heart stopped that day along with yours... xxx
27th december 2009:
this day started like any normal day we had holly and lilly staying over and all the kids were still buzzing over christmas and there pressies, the house was full of happiness and laughter but this would soon be the start of the worst time of my life,
at around half ten in the morning a wave of doubt came over me "babes i havent felt maddison move this morning" i knew this was strange as she always moved in the mornings, "it will be ok babes she is lazy you knoe that" with this we played a game i got all the kids to blow on my belly which they all loved doing they used to giggle doing this :-) they did this for ages bless em around half hour even phil had a go bless him but nothing still i rang my mum and said "nothing to worry about but i havent felt maddison move today and cnt remeber when i did last apart from boxing day morning" i also rung my best friend and told her that i would be going into hospital..
i rang the hospital and they told me to pack a bag and com straight to maternity ward so i quickly packed my stuff and a few clothes for maddison and off we went but not before telling th kids "it will all be ok your baby sister could be coming soon" all excited not thinking that it would not be a happy thing....
We quickly got to the hospital and waited for nearly an hour we couldnt belive that they left us this long but to be honest wasnt really panicking (i say this because maddison was such a lazy baby she didnt move much anyway so we thought that she was just being extremely lazy) the midwife eventually came in and brought with her a student midwife ( i now that student midwifes have to learn but i so so wish that this hadnt been the time where i had been given one, next time no student midwife will come near me) anyways they tried about 3 different ways to try and find her heartbeat and at one point they found mine and thought it was hers my heart skipped a beat for a split second.... then all of a sudden i became angry "just you fucking find it please" i yelled to the actuall midwife this hadnt made any difference they couldnt so she went of to get a doctor and the scan machine,
(this is actually making me feel quite sick writing so could take me a while)
the doctor came in and looked at us and said "there is a chance that i will not beable to find your babys heartbeat" we cuddled up together whilst she looked, then she sat slowly on the bed and said "Rebekha im so sorry but there is no heartbeat" with this i could have died literally i crumbld and just fell into phils arms he cried and cried we yelled it was the worst moment of our lifes..... we stayed in the room for what seemed like hours and just cryed and cryed i remeber going into the toilet and just collopsing on the floor screaming no no i want my baby i want my baby.... we rang my mum and i heard her scream she has gone hasnt she she has gone... i couldnt talk all i wanted was her too move. we rung my best friend and again she screamed them screams i will remeber foreva..
we eventually went downstairs to wait for my mum i just sat there in silence looking at the pregnant woman coming and new mothers taking there babys home all i could do was stare and cry i was crushed..
we went back upstairs and talked to our consultant who had been with us the whole time i begged him to scan again just incase the first doctor had done it wrong i needed to be sure before i took that tablet that would end my pregnacy.. and again no heartbeat that was it she had gone our beautiful baby girl had gone.. i took the tablet and they told us thatlabour should start within 3 days and if it didnt then we should come back in 3 days to be induced ...
That drive home was the start of quiet drives we would have for a while....
My heart broke with yours that day my baby there will always be a empty part that will only be filled when we are together againx xxxx
this day started like any normal day we had holly and lilly staying over and all the kids were still buzzing over christmas and there pressies, the house was full of happiness and laughter but this would soon be the start of the worst time of my life,
at around half ten in the morning a wave of doubt came over me "babes i havent felt maddison move this morning" i knew this was strange as she always moved in the mornings, "it will be ok babes she is lazy you knoe that" with this we played a game i got all the kids to blow on my belly which they all loved doing they used to giggle doing this :-) they did this for ages bless em around half hour even phil had a go bless him but nothing still i rang my mum and said "nothing to worry about but i havent felt maddison move today and cnt remeber when i did last apart from boxing day morning" i also rung my best friend and told her that i would be going into hospital..
i rang the hospital and they told me to pack a bag and com straight to maternity ward so i quickly packed my stuff and a few clothes for maddison and off we went but not before telling th kids "it will all be ok your baby sister could be coming soon" all excited not thinking that it would not be a happy thing....
We quickly got to the hospital and waited for nearly an hour we couldnt belive that they left us this long but to be honest wasnt really panicking (i say this because maddison was such a lazy baby she didnt move much anyway so we thought that she was just being extremely lazy) the midwife eventually came in and brought with her a student midwife ( i now that student midwifes have to learn but i so so wish that this hadnt been the time where i had been given one, next time no student midwife will come near me) anyways they tried about 3 different ways to try and find her heartbeat and at one point they found mine and thought it was hers my heart skipped a beat for a split second.... then all of a sudden i became angry "just you fucking find it please" i yelled to the actuall midwife this hadnt made any difference they couldnt so she went of to get a doctor and the scan machine,
(this is actually making me feel quite sick writing so could take me a while)
the doctor came in and looked at us and said "there is a chance that i will not beable to find your babys heartbeat" we cuddled up together whilst she looked, then she sat slowly on the bed and said "Rebekha im so sorry but there is no heartbeat" with this i could have died literally i crumbld and just fell into phils arms he cried and cried we yelled it was the worst moment of our lifes..... we stayed in the room for what seemed like hours and just cryed and cryed i remeber going into the toilet and just collopsing on the floor screaming no no i want my baby i want my baby.... we rang my mum and i heard her scream she has gone hasnt she she has gone... i couldnt talk all i wanted was her too move. we rung my best friend and again she screamed them screams i will remeber foreva..
we eventually went downstairs to wait for my mum i just sat there in silence looking at the pregnant woman coming and new mothers taking there babys home all i could do was stare and cry i was crushed..
we went back upstairs and talked to our consultant who had been with us the whole time i begged him to scan again just incase the first doctor had done it wrong i needed to be sure before i took that tablet that would end my pregnacy.. and again no heartbeat that was it she had gone our beautiful baby girl had gone.. i took the tablet and they told us thatlabour should start within 3 days and if it didnt then we should come back in 3 days to be induced ...
That drive home was the start of quiet drives we would have for a while....
My heart broke with yours that day my baby there will always be a empty part that will only be filled when we are together againx xxxx
GASTROSCHISIS.....
So the day came for us to have our scan i was 13 weeks at this point.. we had all the fears that evey parent has when going through this.. will there still be a baby? will the baby be ok?... we sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever, i could feel the blood draing from face i felt so scared hopeing that everything would be ok..
it was finally our turn that anxiety soon turned into excited when we found out there was a heartbeat our faces lit up :-) but soon that happiness turned into worry, the sonographer seemed worried she was going over and over the same part of the baby then she turned to us and said i need to refer you to the dau (day assessment unit) i think the baby has something called gastrischisis, what is this we asked? its were the babys intestines are protruding through a hole in there abdominal wall its where she hadnt formed properly :(
we couldnt belive it something was wrong and we had no idea and to what extent she was poorly. so off we went to the dau and waited for our hurrided appointment with the consultant.. worrying phoneing our parents to let them now that there was something wrong..
we both just sat there in silence thinking. i cant remeber what i was thinking to be honest now..
we finally got into the consultants room after what seemed like hours, i layed down and they put that jelly on my stomach and started looking..... we waited in silence again... "your baby has something called gastroschisis, blah blah blah it was such a blur and to be honest again cant really rember much..
we were going to be scanned from 16 weeks every two weeks we had to do alternate fortnights at 2 different hospitals, Hinchingbrooke then addenbrookes, we would carry this on until around 36-37 when they would induce me.. x
i remeeber going straight home and crying literally none stop for 3 days at this point i didnt think things could get any worse little did i now.. i looked so much up on the internet literally every piece of information i could find i look at.. you tube videos and blogs from other parents part of me now wishes i had started this then.. phil was quite quiet about it all he tries not to let things worry him but i knew deep down that he worried just the same as me...
we went for so many scans and im soo glad now that we got so many pictures..
the weeks went on with the countless scans we kinda got bores of them after a while to be honest lol its so draining everytime you go getting that feeling of the first scan... and the worry of it all. but as we reached each milestone the countdown was getting so near. :-)
all the kids were so looking forward to it everytime we brought baby clothes home the girls faces lit up. we didnt buy big stuff like pushchairs and cot and things like that as we knew she would be in scbu for at least 4 weeks as she would have needed a operation as soon as she was born to put her intestines back in.. there were so many different things that we had to take on her weight was dropping and she wasnt growing fast plus my amnotic fluid was reducing, plus i was so poorly the whole time i was pregnant, i was admitted to hinchingbrooke for 2 days with servere tonsilitus i couldnt eat or drink for 2 days it was awful, but we carried on... the summer past and all the kids birthdays and we were soo looking forward to christmas our first christmas together, we had it at our house it was brilliant the kids loved it and the food was yumi and for being 7 months pregnant i looked wicked lol xx
boxing day came this being the best memory that me and phil will keep in our hearts forever she moved so hard and so jumpy that this was proberly the first time she had eva moved properlyfor phil we both laid there laughing, smiling and holding her ....this makes me feel so sad writing this but i had to put it in because this was the last time that either of us felt our baby move.............
it was finally our turn that anxiety soon turned into excited when we found out there was a heartbeat our faces lit up :-) but soon that happiness turned into worry, the sonographer seemed worried she was going over and over the same part of the baby then she turned to us and said i need to refer you to the dau (day assessment unit) i think the baby has something called gastrischisis, what is this we asked? its were the babys intestines are protruding through a hole in there abdominal wall its where she hadnt formed properly :(
we couldnt belive it something was wrong and we had no idea and to what extent she was poorly. so off we went to the dau and waited for our hurrided appointment with the consultant.. worrying phoneing our parents to let them now that there was something wrong..
we both just sat there in silence thinking. i cant remeber what i was thinking to be honest now..
we finally got into the consultants room after what seemed like hours, i layed down and they put that jelly on my stomach and started looking..... we waited in silence again... "your baby has something called gastroschisis, blah blah blah it was such a blur and to be honest again cant really rember much..
we were going to be scanned from 16 weeks every two weeks we had to do alternate fortnights at 2 different hospitals, Hinchingbrooke then addenbrookes, we would carry this on until around 36-37 when they would induce me.. x
i remeeber going straight home and crying literally none stop for 3 days at this point i didnt think things could get any worse little did i now.. i looked so much up on the internet literally every piece of information i could find i look at.. you tube videos and blogs from other parents part of me now wishes i had started this then.. phil was quite quiet about it all he tries not to let things worry him but i knew deep down that he worried just the same as me...
we went for so many scans and im soo glad now that we got so many pictures..
the weeks went on with the countless scans we kinda got bores of them after a while to be honest lol its so draining everytime you go getting that feeling of the first scan... and the worry of it all. but as we reached each milestone the countdown was getting so near. :-)
all the kids were so looking forward to it everytime we brought baby clothes home the girls faces lit up. we didnt buy big stuff like pushchairs and cot and things like that as we knew she would be in scbu for at least 4 weeks as she would have needed a operation as soon as she was born to put her intestines back in.. there were so many different things that we had to take on her weight was dropping and she wasnt growing fast plus my amnotic fluid was reducing, plus i was so poorly the whole time i was pregnant, i was admitted to hinchingbrooke for 2 days with servere tonsilitus i couldnt eat or drink for 2 days it was awful, but we carried on... the summer past and all the kids birthdays and we were soo looking forward to christmas our first christmas together, we had it at our house it was brilliant the kids loved it and the food was yumi and for being 7 months pregnant i looked wicked lol xx
boxing day came this being the best memory that me and phil will keep in our hearts forever she moved so hard and so jumpy that this was proberly the first time she had eva moved properlyfor phil we both laid there laughing, smiling and holding her ....this makes me feel so sad writing this but i had to put it in because this was the last time that either of us felt our baby move.............
6 weeks later x
6 weeks later things were going brilliant it was like we had known each other for years, like i said in the last blog things moved veryyyy fast ( not that, that is a bad thing :) phil moved in pretty much that weekend and didnt leave, although we did try for a couple of days lol x i started work the monday after we got together so i was at work during the day so that was good as he would have been constantly on the phone talking x
the weeks went on and we just couldnt get enough off each other always cuddling and kissing and sitting together, about 6 weeks later i remebered i hadnt come on ....... uh oh not good..... i panicked a little and so did phil, my best friends laughed and said we knew u would be we knew... so with that we decided to take a test... (just remeber we had 4 children between us at this point and had only been together for 6 weeks) (LOL i look back on it now and smile lol :) ) so anyways we took the test and there it was the 2 lines uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh oohhhhhh....... i tell you what i was moree scared about telling my mum .. x so there we were pregnant with four children only known each other for 6 weeks and we were wait for it...... 6 WEEKS pregnant lol lol ... x
so with this we both panicked slightly me more than phil my mum was not happy and neither were a few other but hay who gives a shit we didnt we were happy soo happy.. x
we went for our doctors appointments and scans, we had an early scan to see how far we were at that one we was 10 weeks so had to go back a couple of weeks later for a clearer one.. that was when it all started to go VERY VERY WRONG..... :-(
the weeks went on and we just couldnt get enough off each other always cuddling and kissing and sitting together, about 6 weeks later i remebered i hadnt come on ....... uh oh not good..... i panicked a little and so did phil, my best friends laughed and said we knew u would be we knew... so with that we decided to take a test... (just remeber we had 4 children between us at this point and had only been together for 6 weeks) (LOL i look back on it now and smile lol :) ) so anyways we took the test and there it was the 2 lines uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh oohhhhhh....... i tell you what i was moree scared about telling my mum .. x so there we were pregnant with four children only known each other for 6 weeks and we were wait for it...... 6 WEEKS pregnant lol lol ... x
so with this we both panicked slightly me more than phil my mum was not happy and neither were a few other but hay who gives a shit we didnt we were happy soo happy.. x
we went for our doctors appointments and scans, we had an early scan to see how far we were at that one we was 10 weeks so had to go back a couple of weeks later for a clearer one.. that was when it all started to go VERY VERY WRONG..... :-(
from day 1 x
It was a wednesday the first time i set eyes on the man, later i knew i would want to spend the rest of my life with. he worked as a kitchen/bathroom fitter for a local company, this week we was graced with him hehehe :-) he was working at my best friends house fitting her with a lovely new kitchen and bathroom. my friends had talked about him telling me about him so me being me decided to take a look :-). at first when i met phil i thought nahhh nothing going to happen here he had a girlfriend you see so i thought nothing would or could happen. (little did i now that that relationship was pretty much over).
so as the days went on i came round to the house more.. just to have a flirt and a giggle and still thinking that once the work had been finished thats it i wouldnt see him again :-(, then one morning i was on the phone chatting to my friend wheen he asked "phil wants to add you on facebook is that ok " hell yeh i replied thinking brill heheheh :). we chatted on facebook and through texts and also seeing him at my friends this was great i thought... but it was getting nearer to the time where he would have to go and wouldnt be coming back :( on the thursday the 14th may we had our first cheeky kiss he called me into one of the bedrooms where he was fitting the skerting board i was soo dim and so didnt get the hint of why he wanted me in the bedroom lol x he finally got me in there and we had our first kiss of many :-)x the next day friday 15th, the work was finished and it was time for phil to leave i was gutted as i thought thats it thats it i wont see him again i kept begging my friend please please talk to him tell him i really like him i wanna see him again... x we kissed when he left and txt and spoke over the weekend and as if in a dream he was back on monday :-)
he came to finish off a few things and also to see me lol x i was getting so so attached to this man i knew that even only after a few weeeks that i knew that this man i was falling in love with. i didnt no way want to lose him. the next day the tuesday 19th may 2009 he came back again, this time maybe could have been the last time i got to see him, again we cuddled and kissed and talked, he left around 9 oclock i stayed at my friends house that night when i was awoken to my phone ringing at 2 oclock in the morning to.... ITS DONE.. what.. what i said ITS DONE he replies WHATTTT??? o my god he did it he had actually left her i was sooo happy i could have cryed i couldnt actually belive it. we spoke on the phone for a while and i asked will i see u tomorrow.. littlee did i now that off course i would he wouldnt be going anywhere he basically moved in 2 days later xxxx
Posted by maddisonsmummy at 06:51
so as the days went on i came round to the house more.. just to have a flirt and a giggle and still thinking that once the work had been finished thats it i wouldnt see him again :-(, then one morning i was on the phone chatting to my friend wheen he asked "phil wants to add you on facebook is that ok " hell yeh i replied thinking brill heheheh :). we chatted on facebook and through texts and also seeing him at my friends this was great i thought... but it was getting nearer to the time where he would have to go and wouldnt be coming back :( on the thursday the 14th may we had our first cheeky kiss he called me into one of the bedrooms where he was fitting the skerting board i was soo dim and so didnt get the hint of why he wanted me in the bedroom lol x he finally got me in there and we had our first kiss of many :-)x the next day friday 15th, the work was finished and it was time for phil to leave i was gutted as i thought thats it thats it i wont see him again i kept begging my friend please please talk to him tell him i really like him i wanna see him again... x we kissed when he left and txt and spoke over the weekend and as if in a dream he was back on monday :-)
he came to finish off a few things and also to see me lol x i was getting so so attached to this man i knew that even only after a few weeeks that i knew that this man i was falling in love with. i didnt no way want to lose him. the next day the tuesday 19th may 2009 he came back again, this time maybe could have been the last time i got to see him, again we cuddled and kissed and talked, he left around 9 oclock i stayed at my friends house that night when i was awoken to my phone ringing at 2 oclock in the morning to.... ITS DONE.. what.. what i said ITS DONE he replies WHATTTT??? o my god he did it he had actually left her i was sooo happy i could have cryed i couldnt actually belive it. we spoke on the phone for a while and i asked will i see u tomorrow.. littlee did i now that off course i would he wouldnt be going anywhere he basically moved in 2 days later xxxx
Posted by maddisonsmummy at 06:51
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me and phil x
will love you foreva x
