Am i really ready ??

From very early on myself and phil decided we were going to try for another baby we both wanted it and it was never really an issue about trying to conseive so early, there were a few issues but mainly i think it was all me and the need to put myself at ease on the whole thing. i kinda can say that i think more so it was the fact of people thinking o my god they are trying to replace maddison. this was not the case and still is not the case 6months of trying later, neither of us would ever want to replace maddison we just feel that it is something we want to do if its not now then it will be a year 2 years or even longer as we have always said it will happen when it happens x

I never knew that trying to fall pregnant could be such hard work i could have brought shares in pregnancy tests, its awful its just not happening im trying so hard not to think about it so much but some days it unbearable, how can your body be so mean how??? a week late on my period 3 pregnancy tests and still NEGATIVE what the f.... be nice to be pleaseeeeeee but i stop and say o well next time or wait a couple more days and maybe then ill get the answer i am hopeing for x
its now saturday 26th june 2010 ill maybe wait till tuesday see if finally i come on or take test number 4 hahahha i make myself laugh im a woman obsessed i never thought it would have taken this long looking bk 6 months silly aye but as people keep telling me maybe im just not ready, we'll have to see all keep fingers crrossed for me xxx

peace out hehehe xxx

THINKING OF YOU X

I now this may sound strange but part of this song reminds me of you i now may sound strange but listening to it sounds better xx love you baby girl x

QUICKSAND - BETHANY JOY GALETTO X

I'd like to say I make good use of my time while you've been away
And it's true
I've been at my piano everyday thinking of you

They talk aroundI hear them whisper
It's the funniest thing really
They think you're gone foreverI know the truth
It's just getting hard to believe it

And they all tell me it's over
Even the stars are aligned
And I

I follow the sign so clearly and still I fall in
The quicksand's pulling me down
I follow the sign so clearly and still they catch me
The quicksand's pulling me down

I'm not the sameI can't sleep nights and now I'm calling your name when I do
And yet without you they say I get on better
Better
Better

When they all tell me it's over
I'll damn the Gods until the stars are aligned
And I

I follow the sign so clearly and still I fall in
The quicksand's pulling me down
I follow the sign so clearly and still they catch me
The quicksand's pulling me down

Look at my life and look at my face
Can't you see my heart bleeding down my sleeve
You're holding my hand and holding my heart
But I just wanna feel your breath inside me so I can breathe

Somewhere in the distance I catch a spark
A grace
A hope
Something that makes me feel like I'm alive

It's never too soon
It's never too late so I start screaming out
I see your faceI see your hand reaching down and I yell to you
And I say

I follow the sign so clearly and still I fall in
The quicksand's pulling me down
I follow the sign so clearly and still they caught me

The quicksand's pulling me down
I follow the sign so clearly and still I fall in
The quicksand's pulling me down

I know you can feel me rising
And I'm on fire but they keep on pulling me out
Out

Look at my life and look at my face
And look where I've come to get to this place with you
Sitting there at your feet and rest in your arms
And listen to your heartbeat

AhAhOh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

6 months on monday x

I can not belive it has been 6 months already some days it still feel as if it was days ago x miss you everyday but i must admit that i have started to stop so much of the thinking if this if that...

cannot belive that this time 6 months you were still with us your heart beating and moving around. little did i now that we didnt have long left and you would be only a memory 4 days on.. x

So much has changed since you havent been here some good but some bad, i wish things were so different i pray they were x

me and daddy went on holiday last week and for the first time ever brought all 5 of you something at the same time it felt so nice to include you in that it did make me smile x

miss you so much i hope you are happy my princess xx look for the lanterns we send you :-) xx <3>