my heart is breakng all over again ..

i have tried to get phil to read this for the past 4 months that i have been writing it but havent had much luck apart from a few times at the begging, on this day one of the worst days of my life would just love him too read it too see how the last so many months i have struggled but have got there how much love i have for him how much i care for him and want him to be happy.. i would love him to understand how i feel about him, as much as he frustrates me sometimes to the point were i could kill him i would die for him and always will. he is the man i want to spend the rest of life with he is the man i want to die old with, he is the man i want to share my worries with the man i want to cry with be happy with hold until i cant hold him anymore. all i want him to knoe is that i love him with all my heart and this will never change he and always will be the father of my beautiful angel and i thank him for giving me her, i thank him for the past 18 months although we unfortunately have had more ups than downs but this is not due to us not trying our asses of to try and strive for a better life,

i hope he nows that i tried so so hard to keep our relationship going to keep the spark there forever, i hope i have never shown him hatred because this is one thing i have never felt for this wonderful man. i thank him for giving me 3 beautiful step children to love and i will always even if we do not meet again i will miss them terribly and miss them until the day i die.

i thank him for showing me love and showing me when all was so good that this is what life is meant to be. i thank him for the dreams of a long life together a happy life a life where i was safe from everything, i thank him for making me feel safe..

we have many memories my beautiful man and i will miss you dearly more than you now and will ever understandit breaks my heart to think well to now that i will have to say goodbye to you i never ever since meeting you ever thought in my heart that i would ever lose you that i would ever have to say goodbye.

all i ask is that you find the strength to bring that man i now you are and can be bring him back and you will do fine.. i am so sorry that i fsailed you and didnt do enough to keep you safe. i love you more than words can ever say more than any song more than any love film more than the strongest love in the world. i belive and always will belive that you are my soul mate, we made a beautiful baby girl and had a love so strong i am just so sorry and heartbroken that this love has gone.

when you think of maddison stay strong for her she wouldnt want you to find her this soon live your life be happy and maybe one day we will meet again and things may be different .

i will miss you and will love you forever and ever and always too infinty and beyond xxxxx