7th november 2010 x

well hello everyone, i have been trying to write on here for ages i have been coming on writing then deleting writing then deleting, its weird i want to write but just cnt find the words on what i want to say but tonight i thought bugger it im gonna do it (hopefully),

so as u all now from my last blog we have moved and the house is awesome it is getting there quite fast its looking gorgeous, the kids absolutely love it and so do we i just cnt wait for it to be finished.

i dreamt about maddison for the first time the other week and it was awesome she was about 3 and we were watcing her do ballet she had light brown curly hair and was gorgeous :-) then i dreamt bout her agin this time she was a baby we knew that she was going to die but she was breathing and we were just watching her breathe and she opened her eyes it was an awesom dream just wish i could have dreamt longer, x love u so much baby girl x

not long now till maddisons birthday and im really not looking forward to it, i dont want it to rule chrismtas if u now what i mean i want to celebrate not mourn,.

we are 10 and half months into our journey and still no baby bump, everyone is haveing babies and we arent i juat hope that now we are settled it will happen for us i just cnt see myself pregnant agin weirds hay i hope its not a sign as i wan tit to happen so badly we both do now x

well thats me for today im signing out i just want to say love you forever and ever and always baby girl i truely do miss u so much and wish u were here everyday x

love u my 4 other beautiful babys and my gorgeous man x