I have been thinking, for me this is not unusual thats all i ever do , ...think.
i was thinking is everyone right?
am i not ready for another baby, is my body not ready for another baby, am i doing this because i think i am going to get my little girl at the end of it, how would i cope to have another baby, is our relationship ready for another baby, maybe everyone is right. i dont want to admit it but for once in my life i think they are right...
i dont really now how i would cope being pregnant again after the shit that i have been through but i cant seem to even begin to think of going on some kind of contraception, my mind is so screwed up, why am i copeing so bad with all this, i look at other mums who have lost there babies, they are pregnant and getting on with there lives, i said from day one i will not let this be my life i will not be the mother who lost her baby, but im turning out to be just that, how long will it take for me too be back to myself, too not feel like this, too be happy truely happy and not a false happy, i feel unemotional about everyone apart from maddison, i dont feel anything like i used to, love happiness, sadness nothing i just feel for my baby, i can cry for her, smile and be happy for her want her, but anyone else nothing... i mean dont get me wrong i love my little boy to the end of the world, and the same with phil i love him would do anyhting for him but its changing i am not feeling the love for anyone like i now i can, i am becomeing numb and i dont want to be numb i want to be me. i dont want to lose everything but i cant see how i am going to get through this .. or will i get through this..... will i ????
xxxx maddison xxxx
i was thinking is everyone right?
am i not ready for another baby, is my body not ready for another baby, am i doing this because i think i am going to get my little girl at the end of it, how would i cope to have another baby, is our relationship ready for another baby, maybe everyone is right. i dont want to admit it but for once in my life i think they are right...
i dont really now how i would cope being pregnant again after the shit that i have been through but i cant seem to even begin to think of going on some kind of contraception, my mind is so screwed up, why am i copeing so bad with all this, i look at other mums who have lost there babies, they are pregnant and getting on with there lives, i said from day one i will not let this be my life i will not be the mother who lost her baby, but im turning out to be just that, how long will it take for me too be back to myself, too not feel like this, too be happy truely happy and not a false happy, i feel unemotional about everyone apart from maddison, i dont feel anything like i used to, love happiness, sadness nothing i just feel for my baby, i can cry for her, smile and be happy for her want her, but anyone else nothing... i mean dont get me wrong i love my little boy to the end of the world, and the same with phil i love him would do anyhting for him but its changing i am not feeling the love for anyone like i now i can, i am becomeing numb and i dont want to be numb i want to be me. i dont want to lose everything but i cant see how i am going to get through this .. or will i get through this..... will i ????
xxxx maddison xxxx
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